A Tribute To Russian Grandmas

They love their kids and grandkids and are fiercely devoted to raising both to be very well-fed, over-achievers.

Here are some of my favorite parenting wisdoms from Russian grandmas (please note: Russian grandpas are extremely fond of fishing and drinking).

1. You may be raising twice the amount of kids I raised, but I am still the expert on parenting and hence will dispense unsolicited advice constantly and with no restraint.

2. There's no such thing as 'too much' when it comes to feeding a child.

3. Bread is a food staple and must be eaten with everything.

4. If your child is not potty trained by age 1, you are a negligent parent.

5. If your child can't count to ten by age 1, he must be retarded.

6. If your child doesn't know the alphabet by age 2, he must be retarded.

7. You must rub your child down with vinegar to bring down a fever (please don't try this at home)

8. Your child will grow up sickly if you don't douse him with icy water every morning.

9. If your child is not wearing a hat in the winter, he will freeze off his brains.

10. If your child is not wearing a sunhat in the summer, he will get heat-stroke.

11. Tights are a must in all seasons for both girls and boys!

12. If your child did not grow up to be a Doctor, you failed as a parent.

Please excuse any offensive content in this post. I had to be true to Russian grandmas and if you've ever met one, you'd know that they are anything but politically correct.